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Friday, November 16, 2007

Why Black Women Aren’t Getting Married

This was another story covered from The State of... and they don't seem to like to post links. I really like their take on the issues. Heh I had to Google to find the article they talk about but it turns out they do post links to these articles. I have to click on the post titles.

Anyway here's some comments they made about certain paragraps in this article. The first quote was in response to the idea of an "independent woman". I should warn you that the language here is vulgar...
Big J: Neither men nor women are "independent." We are mutually dependent on each other. The notion that a woman should be "independent" is feminist bullshit.
This next quote was in response to a woman who's 40 never married and admits that women do some wrong. In fact she broke up with a plumber she dated and he just so happen to run a plumbing business that became very successful after they broke up. She missed the ball there. Of course her point was that she wanted to be with someone who had a better status than she did...
Big J: Women naturally want a man of a "higher status" so that he can be a "provider" for his family, but in today's economy, only 4% of American families with at least two children are headed by a working man and non-working woman. (Source: The Decline of Males). Now, there are 2 million more women in college than men, so it's going to get much worse.
Final quote is responding to a female college student who isn't worried about getting married right now. Her strategy is to get herself straight although I won't say that's a bad strategy, the author here thinks this isn't the best strategy...
Big J: This sista is making a BIG mistake. College is the best place to find a husband. It's better to build together than apart. Coming into a marriage with too many assets can often build suspicion and distrust. And most often it's long-term, monogomous relationships that help us grow into who we are.
The article itself seems to give reasons as to why black women don't marry...
“I am an equal opportunity employer,” says Alicia Bradshaw, 38 a single professional black women in New York.

Bradshaw’s ideas of marriage and commitment have also changed as she’s grown older and experienced more. “I think marriage is a wonderful notion and a sacred institution and have always thought so; however, when I was 20 years old the opportunity did not appear as elusive. In my opinion, one reason [that black women are single] could be that lack of traditional marital role models for black people historically.”

Yvonne Hill, 36 a graphic designer in Miami agrees with Bradshaw, but also thinks the media has a lot to do with the low rate of marriages. “I feel society and media are partially to blame for the way black-on-black Love is viewed, all too often black women are portrayed as controlling, overbearing or simply hoe’s.”

Hill also thinks there is a drastic difference of how women of other races are portrayed. “It has been my experience that there is a lot of competition for black men, so there is no need for them to choose one woman, because they are able to get what they want from several. I think 42.4% of black women will never be married because they will never be asked.”

But Nyako still thinks women’s internal issues, and not external factors, contribute to their single status, “I put men on a high pedestal. He could not be just a regular man. He had to be the best at everything and I was wrong. [I learned] a person or a man's character is just as important as his status, professional standing or potential. In short you can’t judge a book by its cover.”

Despite all the numbers, perceptions and theories, black men still claim to love a woman in a suit. It’s just the extra baggage that they bring in the briefcase.

Thompson still believes there’s hope, but women need to change their mental barriers. “I think a successful woman doing her own thing is a catch. But I [also] think everybody has to be realistic. If you’re looking for a doctor or a lawyer, the pool is going to be small. Women need to open themselves up to other kinds of men. You catch the kind of fish, where you go fishing."
Oh yeah the article starts off discussing a film about this phenomena...
The independent film Traci Townsend explores this complex phenomenon. Written around a single columnist who’s lucked out on love, more than her fair-share of times, the main character "Traci Townsend", goes on a cathartic journey to find out why she’s never been proposed to. Townsend played by familiar faced actress Jazsmin Lewis and her co-worker/best friend Sylvia (Mari Morrow) use a documentary as the premise behind exploring her past and determining her future.

“I wanted to write something different. Women tend to think it’s usually a man’s fault, but it sometimes is a women’s fault. [The character] can’t look into the mirror and see that she had some issues. That’s what raw about the movie, when she asked her exes for the truth, they told her,” says Bobby Thompson the writer of Traci Townsend.
Now I want to see if I'll ever view this film, that or get my hands on it somehow.

1 comment:

Wisdom said...

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.~
Pete Quote from the movie Knocked up

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